Sketches of society and manners in Portugal, London, T. Vernor, Vol I

The lye direct being thus given to their most flagrant accusations, other methods of preventing the match were to be adopted, and I was positively assured one evening at the Opera, that I was to be set upon at going out. When I came to the door, a couple of fellows seemed inclined to prevent my passing, and were drawing their knives: I instantly started back, drew my sword, and pinned one of them to the wall,

the other made off, as well as several companions they had without. The vilain I secured proved to be a servant of the Almada familiy.

Sketches of society and manners in Portugal, London, T. Vernor, Vol II

[Um Notário de Lisboa descreve ao autor as conquistas amorosas de um Cristão Novo rico da capital, Bernardo Soares Mendes da Costa, desmentindo calúnias sobre a nobreza dos seus antepassados]

Among others he had in his keeping, there was as Italian Opera dancer, and becoming very soon tired of her, because he found her monstruously expensive, a certain Trinitary Fryar, a great companion of his at the gaming-table, and who had won a great deal of his money there, undertok to rid him of her, and get her well married, provided he would engage her to indulge him sometimes with her company, for which he said he had the most pressing and ardent inclination. This business being very soon adjusted, the Fryar, who had before some slight acquaintance with my son, invited him sometimes to accompany to the Opera, entertained him in conversation, and offered to procure him a commission in any of the Regiments in Lisbon, by means of his own cousin the Quee's Confessor;

 telling him what pity it was so fine a young fellow should drive a quill, instead of making a figure in the Army. This flattered the boy's vanity exceedingly, and he considered the Fryar as his best friend. In some time after, they again went to the Opera, when it happened this dancing-woman performed her part so well, as to be repeatedly applauded by the audience; among others, my boy, hardly twenty, was in raptures, and told his friend he had never beheld such an enchanting creature in his life. The Fryar assured him, that, if he had a mind, he should sup with her at his private lodgings that very night, which they accordingly did. Ater supper, the Fryar pretended to be taken suddenly ill, and therefore my son must accompany the lady home, where he passed the night with her.

Briefly, in about a month after, I was never more surprized in my whole life than when I saw the Vicar-General of Lisbon

 followed by his Alcaides and other attendants, who came in the name of the Patriarch, and carried my son with them to the Ecclesiastical Prison, at the suit and instance of the Signora Bettina Passerini, for having deprived her of her honour and virginity, by forcibly laying with her; and they informed him at the same time, that he would be kept in close confinement, till he should resolve to make the lady competent restitution, by marrying her.

Letter XLI
Lisbon, 1779

Dear Brother
When I promised in a former letter to give you an account of a theatrical representation we had been present at, the evening which preceded all our confusion, I did no then imagined I should be able to join to it the account of a real farce I have seen performed by this whole Court since, which in ridicule and burlesque exceeds, in my opinion, everything the grossest of all farcical performances ever produced, in the grossests times, upon a theatre.
There is no public theatre here at present, the pious Queen not chusing to permit such a school of immorality in a public manner, much less would she suffer women to exhibit on the stage, were it open, being of opinion,

 that permitting women thus to act in public, who have too much the appearance of patronizing the vice of her country; for the principal object is to obviate public scandal, as this agrees with what I have mentioned on former occasions, as well as with standing advice the old Fryars in this country are ever giving to the young ones, si non caste, tantum modo caute, 'if you cannot be chaste, at least be cautious.' Accordingly the wits here say har Majesty, by virtue of her absolute authority, may prevent the women from acting in public but, they thank God, it is not in her power to prevent them from playing their parts in private.
It was on occasion of the anniversary of a marriage that we were invited to dine, as well as the British Envoy and several other persons of note, at a Nobleman?s country house, about six miles from here, where there was a numerous company assembled. [...]

[...] But to return to the dramatical entertainment¾the theatre was neatly fitted up, but entirely in same taste with their Churches and Chapels, every thing was covered with crimson damask, the curtains and draperies were of the same stuff, and ornamented with a profusion of mock lace, both of gold and silver. A considerable deal more of company attended in the evening than we had seen at dinner, and the front rows of the boxes were full of Ladies, who looked charmingly, and seemed to be there in the proper point of view. Their hair was done up in a wonderful variety of plaits and braids, with a great degree of taste, and without caps, but a quantity of beautiful flowers, both natural and artificial, supplied their place, and were richly intermixed with sprigs of diamonds, besides many breast-knots. solitaires and pendants of the same and other precious stones. Lord Freeman looked everywhere for his

mistress, but she did not appear, though the family had been also invited; but on account of the disturbance Doctor Duncan raised that they had sent their excuse. The performers were mostly of the profession brought from Lisbon for the occasion, and our entertainment consisted of three parts: the first was a Portuguese comedy, intermixed with some very extraordinary singing; the second was a most uncommon medley, but which I understood better, as I had formerly seen something like it in a puppet show at Madrid; the last was called a Spanish farce, or Entremez, in which the actors attempted to speak Spanish, but did it wretchedly.

The performers had a way of drawling out their words, and speaking through the nose, so much more than  I have perceived in ordinary conversation here, that I confess I lost much of the wit and salt of the first part, and even many of the sentences and the thread of the plot, if it had any. One thing I remarked was that the laugh

was chiefly kept up by the smut and repartees of an old woman, who was employed as a procuress, or go-between, and every time she opened her mouth was followed by with bursts of applause. One scene I particularly noticed was that where a young countryman, deeply smitten with the charms of one of the ladies of the piece, took to bed; the uncle, in great consternation, sends for a Physician who appears at the patient's bedside, feels his pulse and makes him put out his tongue, on which he makes some witty remarks, though not very decent. He afterwards asks the patient where his chief complaint lay? The patient replies that he has had violent pains in his stomach and bowels but that since he had a hearty sit of b-lch-g a little before, he was much easier. This indecent joke produced a hearty laugh. The Physician then asks the uncle what was the complexion of his nephew's urine? The old man begs his honour's pardon and tells him, as he was not book learned, he did not

understand the question. The other than bawls into the uncle's hear 'How is your nephew in regard to his p-s-ng?' A universal clap of applause with the repetition of Bravo! Bravo! announced how much the company were satisfied with this delicate sally of wit. But my eyes were particularly fixed upon Donna Gui[o]mar, a prodigious fat lady who sat immediately before me; I think I have never seen so corpulent a woman, who appeared to be so young, and I really expected she would have gone into convulsions with laughing on the occasion; with one hand she clapt a large fan she held in it on her face and with the other stuck in her side she laid back in the easy chair on which she sat under me; as I Stood behind her in the box, I saw her overgrown full neck which was uncovered and prevented from starting over by a large rising circumference of stays which opposed themselves heaving and undulating fro a long time like the waves of the sea after being agitated by a storm and which was to me a

proof she was perfectly well pleased with her entertainment.

The next piece was more comprehensive and included more important scenes of action, beginning, as it ought to do, with the creation of the world. here we saw the (Padre Eterno) Eternal Father, with a long white beard, descend in a cloud, with a great number of lights and angels about him, and give orders for the creation of the world; over his head was drawn an equilateral triangle, as an emblem of the Trinity.
The next scene presented us with the serpent tempting Eve to eat the apple, and, his Infernal Majesty the Prince of Darkness passed the most exagerated encomiums on her beauty, in order to engage her to eat, which, as soon as she had done, and had made Adam do the same, there came a terrible storm of thunder and lightning, in the midst of which we had a dance of Infernal spirits, with the Devil in the middle, all in high glee, and congratulating their Monarch on the success of his scheme against

 mankind; the Devil was dressed in black, with scarlet stockings, long ruffles, the frill of his shirt, a broad lace on his hat, and a large feather in it, all of the same colour. While they were exceedingly well diverted with their dance, a voice from behind the stage pronounces, in a loud and solemn tone, the word JESUS, on which the whole company of Devils sunk immediately under the stage through trap-doors, from which flames and black smoke were seen rising, till they were shut. As soon as the scene was shifted, the Eternal Father was seen again descending, but now in great wrath and without any lights or angels attending him. He immediately called for Noah, who, it seems, was ready in waiting, telling him he was so provoked by the wickedness of mankind that he was resolved to drown them all together, and said he was heartily vexed that he had taken the trouble of creating such a set of ungrateful scurvy fellows. But here the piety of Noah interceded in their favour

and, at last, it was agreed that Noah should build an Ark, according to the directions the Eternal Father gave him; he therefore orders Noah to go to the King's dockyard in Lisbon and call John Gonçalves (which is the name of the present Master Builder here) whom he desired Noah to employ under his own inspection in the work assuring him he preferred John Gonçalves? method to those of all their boasted French and English Builders (this compliment to the nation produced a great clap of approbation from the audience) after which the Eternal Father  went up again to Heaven and Noah to build his Ark.

Let no snarling French critic henceforth cavil with your Shakespeare for the irregularity of his historical plays, which only included the small period of twenty or thirty years, which vanish into a point when compared to the distance of time between this last and the following scene of our piece, which consisted of a conversation between

St. Christopher (a Giant), our Saviour, who was represented as a very pretty boy of about ten or twelve years old, but very poorly dressed, and the Devil, whom I readily knew again, having the same dress he appeared in before. The Devil complains grievously to the Saint of the irreparable mischief the coming of Christ had done to himself and his kingdom, said that he could now scarcely put down his foot on any corner of the Earth without meeting with Christians and Saints. He asked the Saint what sort of conscience his master had that he was for taking all to himself and would leave him nothing, though he must be sensible, it was much more the fear of him than any love for his antagonist that made so many Christians, and desired the Saint might introduce him to Christ, so that they might settle their affairs in an amicable manner? Saint Christopher replied he did not really know where to find Jesus Christ at present, but said he believed he was with his father and mother in the city of

Heliopolis, in Egypt. The Devil said he had not time to go far that night but that he thought the little boy the Saint had there with him  very much resembled Jesus Christ to the best of his remembrance, when he saw him once , going to the Temple at Jerusalem. The Saint assured him he was not Christ  and the little boy himself declared that so far from it he was only the son of a poor Carpenter of Nazareth who, with the sweat of his forehead, had a couple of pilchards and a bit of brown bread for himself and his mother to eat.

After this, St Christopher and the Devil had a long conversation upon the nature of the Trinity; and this last concluded, it was upon the whole such an intricate contradictory piece of business that he confessed he could not comprehend it. Upon this the Saint very familiarly tells the Devil he must be a great blockhead, (hum pedaço d'Asno)

a piece of an ass literally, for that nothing was more self-evident and intelligent, adding, that he would make it so even to him in an instant. On this he took up with his left hand the skirt of his own gown or habit, and making a fold of a part of it with his right, said, Here is one; then making another fold, said, Here are two; and making a third, asked him if that was not three? and the other answering in the affirmative, the Saint dropped the three folds and stretched out all that part of his garment in one piece between his hands, without folds; and the Devil, after such a palpable demonstration, now acknowledged that he clearly understood the nature of the Trinity.

This matter being discussed, the little boy begged St. Christopher to carry him on his shoulder over a deep and rapid river running close by them, to which the Saint consented, though the Devil cautioned him how he meddled with that little boy, of whom he still had his doubts as to he really

was. However, the Saint took him up, but before he got to the middle of the river he was ready to sink under the enormous load and began to call out, at which the Devil laughed heartily and asked him why he would not follow his advice? The boy said to the Saint while on his shoulder in the river, ?If Atlas formerly found the weight of the Poles of his world a load he could hardly bear, no wonder, Christopher, that though a Giant you should find me heavier who am the Creator not only of this world but of the Sun, the Moon and all the planetary system?. On the boy?s saying this, the Saint found himself instantaneously relieved and on setting him down on the other side he fell on his knees to worship him, and then making the sign of the cross over the water upon the Devil, the Prince of Darkness immediately vanished into flame and smoke, leaving a strong sulphurous smell behind him.This piece concluded with a scene, which is a constant favourite with the people of

this country: It was a conversation of some gallants with their Nuns at the parlour grate of a Convent. After many bombast asseverations of love and attachment, intersperced with double entendre on both sides, the Ladies desire the Gentlemen to entertain them with a dance, which they did, by dancing the fofa, two and two to the Guitar, and afterwards another dance still more indecent and obscene, only practised by the black men and women of Lisbon, and this last part of the entertainment especially went off with great applause.
The scene of the after-piece lay in a Spanish Cobler?s shop, the Cobler at work with his wife by him (who was rather handsome) and two of their gossips, the one a Bernardine and the other a Franciscan Friar who were from time to time casting a leering eye at the wife, but were at the same time engaged in a deep dispute in which the Cobler took a serious part. One of the learned Friars insisted there could exist matter without form, the other was as

strenuous in supporting the contrary opinion, saying that matter and form were inseparable, to which the Cobler himself also adhered, while his wife seemed prudently to embrace the opinions of both her gossips. Mean time a young Buck (Maxo) enters the shop and desires the Cobler to mend the strap of his shoe-buckle which he had torn in walking. The Cobler calls to his wife Maria to know what money was in the house? Maria replied that she had a (Peso duro) piece of eight, and seven royals. The Cobler the turns to the Buck and asks him if he was not ashamed to desire him to work for him, when he heard he had so much money in the house? and told him he might get his strap mended where he pleased for that he would work for no man while he was so rich. The dispute concerning matter and form still went on and became warm (by the way you must know the words materia and forma in Spanish signify matter and form, and the word forma also signifies a

shoemaker laft) the party, who insisted matter could exist without form, was very obstinate, without producing one good reason for it. The Cobler was particularly provoked on seeing this and said he would soon convince him; so, rising from his tripod in a rage and taking up his laft or form he threw it with such force at his antagonist as made a large cut on his forehead. ?Now (said the Cobler, exulting) after what my form has done, I?ll answer for it, there will be produced matter in abundance?. This turn of wit raised great applause in the House, after which the Cobler, the two Friars, the Maxo and Maria, being, it seems, each provided with a leather strap or thong, began beating each other about the stage, to the entertainment of the company, and which is the manner in general in which the Spanish after-pieces end.

But however absurd, ridiculous and monstrous the farces may be, it must be remembered they are but representations

calculated to amuse the vulgar, always best pleased with whatever appears crude, incredible and gigantic; besides, even in the best theatrical representations there are too often many circumstances which remind the spectator they are but pictures of life, the absurdities whereof can never strike half so much surprise nor affect any of the other passions near so strongly as when we see the same things happen in real life. [...]

The beds of the two buffoons were next the door, which opens into the Marquis' bed-chamber, as he often calls them in the night-time, when he is restless, to amuse and lull him to sleep by their discourse, their songs or other mimicry. [...]

During dinner we had very fine pieces of David Perez's music well executed, and some charming arias by the best voices from the Patriarchal Church. At the Dessert, to which we removed into the adjoining Saloon, the same music was continued. One half of the servants attended us to the Dessert, while the other and graver part sat down to dinner at the table we left.

The windows of the apartment where the Dessert was served, were numerous, spacious, and open to the bottom, so that the floor was on a level with the ground without, on which there now appeared a company of Masks, dressed as shepherds and shepherdesses, with flowers, garlands, and all the other insignia, and dancing in a variety of figures to the music which accompany them. When they ceased, two men and as many women danced the Spanish Fandango with taste and extremely well to the guitar, with Castagnettes, in the midst of which, and to the time of the music, one of the men contrived to give a wheel into the Saloon, and placed a Crown of Myrtle, beautifully interwoven with flowers, and two billing doves suspended over it, upon Donna Lucretia's head, while one of the women did the same to Lord Freeman; this feat, which was in reality very nimbly performed, drew a hundred Viva's from the company; the Poets became more and more vociferous with their Môtes and their 

Glozas, and the whole were dissolved in joy and satisfaction. At last about sunset coffee appeared, neither did the time seem long to us, though Lord Freeman naturally dislikes such noisy promiscuous assemblies. There were no apartments wherein to sleep the sesta; many indeed of the fat Nobility, had taken it comfortably in their chairs in the midst of all the music and noise, but the coffee roused them all, and brought them to themselves. In about an hour after the entire company were again ambarked in their barges for Lisbon.

I know nothing more delightful than to be upon smooth water by monlight, and the beautiful Cynthyia rose upon us in full and unclouded splendour. The company agreed the barges should separate to the right and left at greater distances from each other as we crossed the spacious Bason to Lisbon, the better to enjoy the effects of the music.